


Stream of Consciousness (English Version)

by Omega_White



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Beta Wanted, Gen, Hangover, Morning Routines, Not Beta Read, Optimism, Self-Reflection, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29962290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omega_White/pseuds/Omega_White
Summary: Every day is exactly the same. You get up. You get dressed. You look in the mirror… And suddenly you realize that something must have gone terribly wrong at some point in your life. Reno. On a cloudy morning.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Stream of Consciousness (English Version)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Stream of Consciousness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613672) by [Omega_White](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omega_White/pseuds/Omega_White). 



> Story is not beta read / I am not a native speaker

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

-  
-  
-

Every day is exactly the same. I wake up hungover from the night before and sit down at the kitchen table with disheveled hair. I look at the clock. And out of the window. It’s already light outside. I have to hurry. 

I always keep the painkillers close at hand. And a bottle of cheap beer to wash them down. Two of them and I already feel better. One more cigarette and I almost feel like myself again. 

My clothes are scattered around the living room. I didn’t quite make it to the bedroom last night. 

A blanket lies neatly folded on the armchair. The night was cold and so was I, with nobody there to cover me up. And I wasn’t able to do it myself. 

Suddenly I feel sick.

I run to the bathroom, leaving the door wide open as I puke my guts out. Nobody cares anyway, and nobody knows. I’m all alone. 

Every day is the same. But some days are worse than others. As bad as the nights that preceded them.

I look in the mirror, shivering pathetically. Damn, I look like shit. Rude is surely eating his cereals right now… I don’t know why the thought strikes me. Or why it affects me the way it does. Rude eats his cereals, the ones with raisins and nuts and all that healthy stuff… Like every morning. And his sunglasses…

The sunglasses are still lying on the bedside table. Tseng trains. By now he has fired his bullets at invisible enemies for two hours straight. He’s sweaty. Disciplined. To get even stronger, even more reliable, while the rest of us haven’t really started the day yet. While Rufus is still sleeping. While Elena combs her hair. While Rude cleans his cereal bowl and puts it away. While I…

…waste time. I haven’t combed my hair yet, much less washed it. It has been a while, hasn’t it…? But there is no time - I’d have needed to get up earlier, go to bed earlier, not drink too much, not work too obsessively… When was the last time I took a holiday, I ask myself as I splash cold water on my too-pale face. I dry my skin and I suddenly think…

Even if I took some days off, where should I go? All by myself. Would I find my way out of the city at all? Alone? And if I did, what next? Are there any good bars out there…? 

I massage my temples thinking no, I might as well stay here. And do my job. And live every day like the one before. I don’t miss anything that way and I don’t regret… well, at least I don’t regret very much. I look out of the window and get the distinct feeling that something must have gone terribly wrong at some point in my life... But the ringing of the phone interrupts my train of thought. I hurry into the living room and search for it among the scattered clothes. When I finally find it in my pocket, the caller has already hung up.

I look at the display. Rude. What does he want from me anyway, and at this time? I don’t call back. If it’s important, he can simply call again. 

But the phone doesn’t ring a second time and I concentrate on getting dressed, brushing my teeth, combing my hair. I resist the urge to open the refrigerator again. Rude doesn’t approve of me drinking in the morning, he…

I look at the clock and realize I need to hurry. I put on my coat, run down the stairs and onto the street, past tired people with expressionless faces. Gray sky, gray road, gray mood. Gray in gray in gray. Today. Every day. And my head is throbbing painfully. 

Elena has certainly started her working day already. She is always the first to arrive, ever trying to impress Tseng. She’s a hopeless case, no doubt about it, but at least… she has a goal. As for myself…

I don’t want to drown. I don’t want to die. I just want… to live each day, over and over. And over again, working, drinking, dreamlessly sleeping through the night. On and on and on, but… Can this be enough? Can it be a goal? A higher purpose? I guess it’s just a deadlocked reality that catches up to me every morning. That I have to go through. My whole life. With only minor changes. Meaningless. Insignificant. 

I approach the Shinra main building in a trance, slowing my pace. It towers above me, looming, daunting. Disenchanting. There you are, the gray stone walls seem to whisper. I’ve been waiting for you… 

“There you are! “, I hear a voice calling out to me from behind. “I’ve been waiting for you! “

I whirl around, startled. A tall, bald man is rushing towards me and when I notice his sunglasses on this hazy and cloudy morning, I have to grin involuntarily. 

It’s Rude. And he is carrying a brown paper bag. 

“I thought you had already gone inside!”, I tell him and point to the large concrete chunk behind me. Rude only shrugs and puts the paper bag in my hands. I open it automatically, astounded. It’s a sandwich wrapped in white paper and my stomach starts to growl at the sight. I stare at the sandwich. Then at Rude. Then at the sandwich again. It’s topped with ham and oozing the viscous, tangy sauce I like so much. 

“I thought you might be hungry “, Rude says while casually looking at his watch and heading for the entrance. “I know you don’t eat enough. “ Painkillers and beer, I think to myself. Definitely a substantial meal... I take a bite of sandwich, savoring the taste, and suddenly there is a strange feeling inside my chest. A warmth that hasn’t been there before. And I feel lucky to have a partner like Rude. Grateful. Even honored. 

And suddenly I am smiling genuinely. 

My life is far from perfect. Stuck in routine. Moving in circles. Without control. Without relevance… But it could have been worse. Elena does her duty. Tseng struggles with his discipline and perfectionism. Rufus is brushing his teeth. Certainly. The road goes on and every day is the same, over and over again. Some days are worse than others. And some days don’t start off too badly. Like this particular one... Though that doesn’t have to mean anything. Every new day is a bit like the one before. Days are merging, intertwining, adding up to weeks, months, years… A whole lifetime. 

But there is always hope, I think to myself as I follow Rude through the entrance. There is always the possibility that something unexpected will happen.

So I will live another day. 

-  
-  
-

THE END


End file.
